Time for a Close-up

Christmas week is finishing up and as I stand back up and brush my hands off, I have been forced to come down from the high provided to me through those incredible spirits that surrounded me this week. This detox wasn’t wanted, or expected really, but as with all things I have done my best to learn from this experience what I can and arise each day having learned a lesson from yesterday. For the past 24 hours I have been giving myself a close-up examination of my mood, my needs, my wants, etc., and I have been doing some journaling (my pen and paper act as a therapist regularly) to learn from all of this and I came up with a few one-liner-mantras.

20131228-154051.jpg 1. “I should have been a great deal many things” That is one of my favorite lines from the book Little Women. Jo mentions this when she makes a point about women’s right to vote while surrounded by male company and her argument is so good that one of the men responds by saying, “You should have been a lawyer Miss March.” I remember being in my first or second year of college and sitting with my mother in her sewing room and explaining to her that I enjoyed so many fields of study that it was hard for me to pick just one for my major. I don’t remember much else from the conversation besides her saying to me something to the effect of, “Just pick one and finish it!” There was some mild exasperation in her voice that made her point loud and clear. I am still thankful for her saying that but I think that I am still that same young girl who thinks she can do anything to which she puts her mind. I think there is a bee in my bonnet and it is time to try adding some new spice to my life by trying some new things and allowing myself to be challenged in a new way and to hopefully, I gain a little more character out of the whole thing.

2. I must love myself and learn to forgive myself for yesterday’s mistakes. I tweeted this earlier today as my “thought of the day.” I realized it during my yoga class this morning. This week has been rough on my workout schedule which means I consumed calories instead of burning them. I have a pretty hard time letting myself off the hook for these types of mistakes. It seems I have surrounded myself with disciplined friends who are amazing about choosing the right foods to eat and staying diligent in their workout routine. I, however, have workout ADD and can’t get it right two weeks in a row. This has caused some real self-loathing but the only thing I can do about it is pick up where I left off and forgive myself for my mistakes of yore. My mistakes are forgiven but not forgotten, mind you. I am reminded of them when I am on the trails huffing and puffing my way up to the top. It is hard to grow from forgotten mistakes (don’t you usually make that kind more than once?) which doesn’t make it any easier to forgive yourself for them. One step at a time.

3. There isn’t much that a good run won’t fix. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? Not happy? Go for a run. Problem at work? Go for a run. Need to get over something? Go for a run. Today I did, finally, and it wasn’t easy. The first couple of miles were even dreadful. But the sun was shining and warm so when those endorphins kicked in, I finally felt like the same old me. I was able to come home and be productive and happy and find the gumption needed to even write this post.

With all this introspection going on, I think it be time I finished a list of resolutions for the new year. Perfect frame of mind, perfect timing.

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